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The Strength in Values

April 28th, 2005 · 2 Comments

As a Mother, I like to give my children room to grow, and allow them to participate in interesting activities whenever possible.  But I need to remind myself that I AM the Mother, and therefore have the right to say NO.

I was reminded of the need for values, and to stand by them no matter the pressure this week when my 15 year old son requested permission to go on an outing with two friends and their families on Friday – yes, missing school in the process. 

As my husband was interstate, I had to deal with this one myself (I know I am guilty of the old ‘talk to your father about this’ routine…and letting him be the bad guy :) .  I was very calm, but also very sure that allowing him to miss a day of school to go ride motor bikes was not the right thing to do. I am secure in my values and that of our family.  In the end my son accepted my decision, and went to bed in a bit of a funk last night.  I expected more of the same when he got up this morning, but was pleasantly surprised to find he was talking to me as normal.

(well, as normal as it gets at 15!!)

I need to remember – being a parent is not a popularity contest, and modelling a strong value set will provide them with more skills as an adult than any outing will.  I havent won the war, but I have come out on the right side of this skirmish!

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2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Natalie Lobina // May 10, 2005 at 11:55 am

    Hi Karen,
    Leah said I’d enjoy reading your BLOGS and I really have. I actually even had a few tears reading the story about your sons 2 dogs Duddly and Cuddly. I have a 6yr old son and he too has special little “friends”, as well as a real ‘hairy’ cat and ‘hairy’ dog, do you thinkg I could have chosen better animals!! Anyway last night my son was warned not to annoy the cat or he would go to bed. He didnt listen so I decided to stand my ground and put him to bed earlier than normal, well this proved to be very trying but luckily enough my husband stood beside me on this one and after 15mins of crying etc he finally fell asleep. I however felt dreadful and found it difficult to sleep, by morning he had had a good nights sleep and woke up in his usual happy mood, so I DIDNT SCAR HIS PERSONALITY OVERNIGHT BY SENDING HIM TO BED EARLY.. Sometimes we really doubt ourselves as parents and what effect our discipline may have on our children. But really most of us are doing a great job………. to…………..

  • 2 Naomi // May 10, 2005 at 9:32 pm

    I think one of the best gifts we can give our children is a set of boundaries! No matter what age. Boundaries, or limitations, help a child to feel secure and safe, even if it means they’ve heard the ‘no’ word. Eli is 4, and he hears the no word from time-to-time (!!!), and even I feel secure seeing him respond to my guidance, knowing that this is helping him to develop a stronger sense-of-self and an awareness of the people and the world around him, and especially that he is developing the ability to respond with respect regardless of his initial desire. I think – again, no matter what the age – our kids love us all the more when we say no, backed by sound reason and dished out with a load of love.

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