Had an interesting conversation with a couple of friends the other day about what was going on in our lives.
I was saying it was wonderful to have the house to myself again now the children have gone back to school… not that I dont enjoy having my children around, it’s just that I didnt take any time off when they were on holidays, and therefore had to fit their activities, taxiing and feed me feed me demands into my already busy days. (Not to mention refereeing duties… I recon after interceding in disputes, and the ‘he said, she said’ dramas that happen in this house, that I am fully qualified to referee any sport on the planet!!!:)
I breathed a huge big sigh when they were all out of the house Monday morning. Listen to that silence!!! Ahhhh. I even get to play MY music! Woo hoo. I felt a bit like a kid on the last day of school for the year.
And then my friend C talked about her challenges with having her mother (who is progressively regressing) live with her whilst they struggle with placing her into assisted care. There was a sweet offer from a family member to come sit with mother so that C could ‘go out’. Only, C explained, that wasnt really what she wanted at all. She wanted to be in her own home, with her husband, ALONE! She wants her house back.
Our mentor challenged us both – asking the question – what is it you are really after? Is it time or is it space?
And for me, the clearing space queen after all, the answer was a definitive – SPACE!
C realised, also, that it wasnt Time with hubby she needed so much as Space with hubby. The time was there already – albeit with Mother in the background – but space, aloneness, is another thing altogether.
And this brings up lots of things for me. We only have so much time. 24 hours in each and every day, our whole lives through.
Sometimes, however, we need freedom from responsibility, from care, from the daily grind. This freedom gives us the space to BE. For looking after an elderly mother, or a gaggle of kids and their assorted friends, and the constant demands of either group (or the constant demands of a boss, or clients, or patients, or whatever the demands on you may be) can be very draining on us.
And we really do need to recharge our batteries. We need space. See my post a couple of months ago on Doing nothing isnt lazy.
This isnt selfish in the traditional sense of the word. But it is totally necessary to maintain our sense of self. Our identity apart from all these responsibilities. And I for one have to admit to being greedy in my pursuit of space.
For if I get that space, I am a much nicer person to be around!
What about you? Is it space you need more of? Is it space that is in short supply in your life, or is it really all about time?