Sometimes enough just isnt enough.
I took January off for a month of rest, to refresh and reenergise myself whilst spending time with my family. And we spent 10 days of that time away at a beautiful beach house, really relaxing and enjoying the sunshine and each other’s company (and a few good books…)
And recently my husband and I have taken two separate one-night getaways into Brisbane – one just before New Year, and another for our anniversary two weeks ago.
And yes, I can hear all the "awww" and "lucky you!" and "…the last time I got to…’s" so I wont rub it in any more…
Yet, I don’t feel restored and ready, quite yet, to jump wholeheartedly into The Clearing Space and the reinvention of Sanctuary. There are ideas there, and things are starting to get a little clearer..
Yep, the dreaded ‘but’…
I know I need to give myself More Time. And, of course, More Space.
It’s about nourishing myself. And lately, I have found that the demands of hearth and home and kids and animals have been taking up most of my energy. I get to 7 or 8pm and I am ‘shattered’ as my Grandmother used to say.
Not that I would change anything about my life at present. It’s all My Life.
I instituted a strict walking programme with our two 9-month-old Doberman pups four weeks ago, and am starting to really enjoy our daily walks (I take them once, someone else in the family takes them the other). But it is taking time to incorporate the 45 mins for the walk into the daily round of activities. I find the walks, and the general dealing with animals and the landscaping projects we are currently undertaking, are very grounding for me. I’m getting my hands dirty, I’m grounding myself. And the connecting with nature is helping to calm my soul and recharge my batteries.
[As an aside, I am feeling much fitter now than I was when I first started walking every day - and the dogs are much, much calmer, but don't know if it's having any visible effect on my rear-end;-]
Sometimes, no matter how much we want to jump head-first into a new project, the time isn’t, quite, right. We’re not totally ready to throw ourselves at it. There needs to more space cleared. More visibility by getting calm and letting the sediment settle…
And the hardest part of all this is allowing. It is very difficult for me to say (even to myself) I give you permission to not succeed in everything this month. I give you permission to go with your heart and just get still a little longer. I allow you to clear space around you, get grounded in nature, set the routines and schedules of family life in place and not worry about the business for another few weeks.
How long? As long as it takes.
It’s been a real learning process for me. One of the biggest realisations is that sometimes by not driving myself so hard, I achieve more. That by giving my heart space to find what it really longs to do is not being lazy. That being human is admitting that I need space and time and to get grounded again. That I need to fire that inner boss who demands that I constantly get things done. Many things. All at once.
Each day, the water is getting clearer. Some days I think I catch a sunbeam shining through the clouds… and that feeling of infinite possibilities stretching out before me takes my breath away.
I’m waiting for the clouds to clear. No, I wont wait too long… I think the scribblings in my notebooks are just about to take on a life of their own. And in the meantime – I’m off for an afternoon walk with Zeus and Ebony.